I considered more than 30 fucking machines and then narrowed down my list to top 8 and put them in side-by-side comparison.
Owning a fuck machine had been my fantasy for years since I saw them first on Kink site…
But I could never motivate myself shelling out $1K (a typical starting price for a quality item for years).
…however I didn’t want to get a cheap knock-off as well.
That didn’t keep me from typing the words “fucking machine” in Google every once in a while.
Fast forward a few years later.
The standard google check.
That one search propelled me deep down the rabbit hole.
I liked what I found.
You see, there is this theory “diffusion of innovations” by Everett Rogers that explain how innovation gets adopted over time and by different kind of people.
There are five cycles of innovation adoption:
• Wait for few years….tech gets both better & cheaper which is when early majority make the leap (34%) — think, suddenly every cool cat had a touch-screen phone.
• Shortly after a late majority joins the party (another 34%)
• And lastly, laggards (16%) — they get touch-screen phone only because you cannot buy one with buttons anymore.
Why I am talking about diffusion of innovation here?
Well, I believe this is what happened to sex machines.
When I first saw them on porn they were crazy expensive, novelty items that only big production companies could afford.
So in fact, they were the innovators at the time.
2.5% that would spend thousands on a machine.
…few years later.
We’ve got access to a plethora of sex toys — vibrating, thrusting, sucking.
Fleshlights. Magic wands. All types of dildos.
Fucking machines for dildos were evolving too.
They got better and a little more affordable.
That’s when hobbyists bought them as an addition to their dungeons.
They had plenty of exposable income and they wanted to stand out between other BDSM players in their circle.
So they were ok spending $1–2K for a sturdy machine ( 13.5% — early adopters).
Which leads me to the present moment:
My recent Google search showed that we have finally reached the Early Majority.
The time when the market has finally matured and you can get a quality fucking machine that doesn’t break the bank.
Maybe the prices will go down later.
But my guess is that they won't.
Quality parts cost money.
Instead I'm sure that software will evolve and you'll simply get more pre-programmed thrusting sequences & extra functionality for the price.
That's the only edge left to current $2K-4K machines.
Don’t believe me?
Check here and read the customer reviews people left on Amazon (legit).
But make sure you come back.
You must know what you should look out for in these machines so you don't make beginner mistakes that will cost you time and $$$.
Back to the story…
Our anniversary was coming and I was thinking of something special to get her.
I went to Amazon Gift Finder, selected price: Over $200.
And looked around…
I mean… there’s nothing bad about a new piece of jewelry…
And I love giving her lingerie.
But lately, our love life has been lacking spice, variety, and excitement.
Yeah, and we’ve been discussing threesome, but adding another individual was trickier than I thought.
I kept imagining her face if on our anniversary I would just slide the sex machine out of the closet…
Surprise, fear and curiosity would reflect in her devilish eyes.
Mmm…that would definitely add some kink to our playtime…
My mind kept racing.
Finally, I sat down to write the pros and cons (always helps me with decisions).
• Could use it for our forced orgasm fantasy while having her tied up and blindfolded…
• it could be a way to experience a threesome, DP without needing to have another person involved. Plus, it’s safer with a machine than catching something during a random hookup.
• I could use it for my own prostate play experiments.
• Would add to variety and excitement, could be great for foreplay…to get her hot… or for after play in case I don’t last long enough and she wants more…
• it’s just so damn exciting…always have wanted smtng like it..! It could be a centerpiece of our toy collection
• what if it breaks down and I end up looking stupid for spending $400 for a piece of junk? (but what if it works great?)
• what if it doesn't feel as good as people on porn make it look? (but what if it feels insanely good?)
• ehm…what if she falls in love with that machine and doesn’t need me anymore? (huh…but I was worried about it with previous toys, and it didn’t happen…)
So that was just smtng going on in my mind.
In the end, I decided if I will be able to find enough positive REAL-looking reviews…
…the functionality I needed….
…a reliable company to deliver & support the machine in case of issues…
…AND it would be no more than $500…
I would take the leap.
Off I went.
Research. Research. And more research.
Here’s what I learned:
To me, it needed to look well made and reviews needed to reflect the quality of customer service.
Only then I would even CONSIDER looking further.
Then these seemed top 5 most important things to watch out for:
#1 — how strong is the motor (torque)? — most weak motors don’t support fast thrusting, DP attachment (two dildos) or stop working when meeting little resistance (disappointing).
#2 — how long is the stroke? — cheap machines support only a few inch thrust (shallow). Better machines have adjustable stroke length to support deep penetration (5–6 inches) that would make her moan with pleasure.
#3 — how fun, intuitive and enjoyable it is to use it? — can you just lay down, relax and enjoy hands-free experience?
#4 — how quiet it is? — will neighbors or kids hear it when using it? That would be embarrassing.
#5 — Is the machine compatible with other sex toys, attachments? — how easy it is to get accessories, use it with an existing suction cup, Vac-U-lock toys..etc.?
And…yes: Support. Support. Support.
How easy it is to get in touch & get help from the company if something goes wrong, breaks down, doesn’t work as it should?
This is a biggie whenever you are buying anything over $100.
All of these things then are compared against the price of the machine.
Is it the best bang for the buck? (pun intended).
In my search for answers I ended up creating this chart:
Few notes before you check it.
#1 — Fredorch was the only budget option ($100 range) that had any good reviews in the mix with bad experiences (remote blowing up being the most dramatic).
I DON'T RECOMMEND IT, but if you wanna get a glimpse and 2-inch stroke length is enough for you, go for it.
Since these cheap dildo machines cannot compete with quality, they try to attract freebie seekers & cheap-asses by throwing shitty toys as a bundle (non-body safe, must use a condom on them).
Fredorch is there for comparison.
For you to see how the best from $100 machine compare against others.
#2 — Then there are super high tier $2K-4K machines from Hugher and Shockspot.
They are powerful, reliable and have additional features:
like preprogrammed thrusting modes, software that connects the machine with the computer.
But unless you have tons of money and you simply crave to have a bragging piece for your BDSM circle, it’s not worth it.
#3 — The best bang for the buck are $300–500 fuck machines.
This was the main segment I focused on.
On the surface all of them look very similar:
• Motors have similar power
• Adjustable stroke length is akin
• They all are fairly quiet.
• Well made & sturdy from the first look
Go on take a look for yourself:
But there is a reason why Hismith dildo machine won out this battle.
With these machines, things break down, malfunction… they are complicated beasts.
There are very few companies that stand behind their product with great customer support.
Just read the other company reviews and you’ll see the writings on the wall.
Hismith stood out with unbeatable price + quality + support.
Ken's Twisted Fantasy (KTM) took 2nd place by offering quality + support, but it's $100 more expensive.
Let's take a closer look.
After the side-by-side comparison (and reading tons of customer reviews) these machines were left standing:
Author’s pick: Hismith ($400 range) — Update: I negotiated an exclusive discounted deal for you guys, I tell about it at the end of Hismith review.
Budget Pick: Sextoysbrand Cheap Sex Machine ($100 range)
This guide is here to help YOU (I wish smtng like this was written when I was looking around).
#1 — Hismith Sex Machine Review & Deep Look (Author’s Pick)
What struck me with Hismith was how all the pieces came together.
The price, the quality, the value, the support.
Comments like these stood out:
“It’s built like a tank”
“This thing is like an energizer bunny on steroids that keeps going and going.”
“…like the Cadillac of sex machines”
I even tested their support (which is email based) and Edwin got back to me in 8 hours. (there seems to be another main support guy Niko for Amazon).
Actually chatting to people behind the brand was empowering.
But this video really pulled me over the edge and got me excited thinking how much fun we could have with it:
And this piece showing how it would look like actually banging:
There are many models, but the base model does the job.
Unless you really want the wireless remote control for $40 extra (which is sure handy)… there is no reason to pay extra.
Their remote with the wire is long enough and works great.
This is how remote works (in video demonstration with wireless remote too):
These are the two key metrics (well, and the noise) that show if the machine is good or corners have been cut.
With cheap machines, you’ll notice short stroke length (barely few inches) and the motor is weak (if there is any resistance it will stop).
Forget about deep, thorough pounding or even anal sex (with anal there is more resistance to get past ass sphincters hence you need stronger machine).
Oh…and on top of that if the machine has a powerful motor and good thrust, and it’s light… It’s gonna be all over the place.
You see, that’s why $100 version cannot even compete.
The parts, motor, solid metal (for weight) and even software (to simulate the enjoyable thrusting) just cost too much.
And that’s why you probably won’t ever be able to buy a quality fucking machine for cheap.
Cheap and well-built don’t go together.
With Hismith you get 100W, 300N.cm torque that feels like having sex with a Superman.
Not sure how much horsepower it is… but it’s ENOUGH.
But power would be nothing if it’s not coupled with deep thrusting.
The stroke length is easily adjustable from 1 to 6 inches (average penis size is 5 inches).
It’s the size of $20 bill (come on get your wallet out and check):
If you’ve got kids running around or noisy neighbors it would be less an ideal to need to crank up the music to the max just to play with this bad-boy huh?
This thing is super quiet.
Check for yourself (get headphones).
This video demonstrates both how to assemble the machine, what do you get in the package…and on 5min20s mark the noise test (if you just wanna skip):
So yeah, the machine is silent.
When I closed the doors of my room, I couldn’t hear a thing.
It’s quieter than my HP printer.
But there’s another problem:
The machine may be quiet, you, however, will not be.
Orgasms with this thing are loud!
Imagine how loud your wifey is when you give her super hard pounding.
And then multiply it 2–3x with this machine.
Just keep it in mind.
This is a biggie…
What if you pay $400 and have problems with a machine?
I haven’t found so far any other machine company who gets Verified reviews like this a lot:
When I dug deeper I saw that HiSmith offers a 1-year warranty for the whole machine and 2 years warranty for the motor.
I think also if the Amazon is fulfilling the order the standard for electronics is 1 year.
My only complaint would be that they could have done a better job with videos showing how to put the machine together, how to maintain it, best positions, angles, attachments…etc.
But I guess that’s up to the kinky fanboys like us…
The item is sold by Hismith and Fulfilled by DHL.
Not sure how their agreement works, but within the US the machine got free shipping (arriving within a week).
Also after digging deeper, I found that Hismith warehouse is located in 1460 S Archibald Ave, Ontario, CA 91761 United States.
This explains fast shipping and being able to quickly send in the parts if something goes wrong.
Item arrives in a neutral brown box and on the label it says (HiSmith Automatic Device).
No sensitive words.
Oh, and afterward you can use the bag that machine comes with or if you don’t want to disassemble you can simply get a bigger gym bag and throw it in the closet. That’s what I did
By default, Hismith machine comes with Quick Air connector and a silicone dildo (6.3" insertable length).
But if you’re like me your toy collection consists of Vac-U-Lock or suction cup toys. To use them, you’ll need to get attachments separately.
I would suggest you go Vac-U-Lock or suction cup path as Quick Air Connectors will be limited and only work with the machine.
#1: spring attachment — more forgiving with the angles, requires less adjustment. (top recommendation)
#2: extension rod — just will help with positioning as you’ll have more room.
#3: DP attachment — in case she wants to try double action.
For better visual check this video.
It demonstrates attachments in this sequence:
What I really enjoyed was being able to just sit back and relax while the machine was working on her during foreplay, kink scene or after play (in case I finished too soon).
The machine does its a thing and I have my both hands-free to kiss her, touch her, play with her.
The programming of this thing is intelligent — it feels like it’s a robot with brain.
For example, when there was too much resistance, it slowed down and patiently waited for relaxation. No forcing it up. After relaxation it gave a little thrust and went as far as it could without much resistance.
I know when I am away and working too much, she can turn to this machine vs looking around… (funny, but gives me a weird sense of security).
She was happy with the gift, even if she was a little intimidated by that tank initially.
And as we all know…
Happy wife… happy life.
Plus, when we brought it to our local kink community it was a hit.
Oh, few ninja tips:
• the metal piece that from the dildo (quick connector) will tend to rust if you don’t dry it off well.
• if you’re using the machine on high speed and it’s moving around add a sand-bag or a dumbbell on the base.
• when you find the right angles for the positions, put marks on the stands for quicker future setup.
• make sure everything is tightened down before you start the engine. Use the provided L wrench for that.
The machine is pretty magical, been fantasizing about it for so long and now it’s real.
Dont be cheap. The cheap f-machines will leave you highly disappointed.
Either get the good one or forget about it till the money is there.
Go on, take the leap, the orgasms and fun it will bring for years will make it pay off 100x over.